I Miss You Momma...

Mom and me.

My Mother left this world in the summer of 2001. I miss her so much.

I've been thinking a lot about my weight and my childhood lately. I've heard and read so much about eating disorders being caused by an unhappy childhood. My weight problems didn't come from an unhappy childhood. Oh, don't get me wrong, my childhood was not a happy, happy one either. The first 7 years were wonderful and then along came my brother. He was the apple of my Mother's eye and he could do no wrong. I have been so jealous of him all his life. He joined Mother in February of this year and I'm here without either.

I didn't realize until Mom was on her death bed that she loved me too. She was in a drug induced coma for comfort during her last few days. The nurses had a hard time cleaning her unless I was there. She would fight them even in a coma. When I was there I'd get real close to her face and talk to her really sweet and ask her to just concentrate on my voice and the cleaning would be over soon. She'd stop struggling and do just as I said. They tried that with my brother and the struggling would just continue, so they got to where they'd wait until it was my shift with Mom to do anything that she didn't like.

So for those of you out there that faced similar emotions growing up, just remember that a Mother's love is a wonderful thing. Even though you may think she doesn't love you as much as a sibling, she does. Maybe she just doesn't show it when you want her too. And for those Mom's out there raising children now, remember to make sure you divide your affection equally so they won't feel this way.

My weight problem came from LOVING food and a "fat gene" inherited from my Dad's side of the fence, not an unhappy childhood. I can't remember even one time that while unhappy I turned to food for comfort. Don't know if it was because of being raised in the times that I was or what. Maybe it was because I didn't stay in the house much as a kid. Anything interesting to do was done outside, even in the winter. I was born in the times before television and even after it came along there was only one channel and it was boooorrrrrriiiiinnnnngggg to a kid (except on Saturday mornings...cartoons, yay).

Mom was a great cook. We always used to laugh that all she had to do was stick her finger in the food she prepared and it would come out wonderful. That's what she passed on to me. A LOVE for food and her cooking skills. I even LOVE all those green stinky veggies that a lot of people turn up their noses at. But most of all I LOVE butter. Real butter not the fake stuff. Mother always cooked with lots of it and it began to show on my body in my early 20's. Guess I was too active before then for it to show.

Mom would be so proud of me and my weight loss. She never put me down because of my weight but would in subtle ways let me know that she wished I was a healthier weight. She worried about my health so much. Wish she were here to see me now and know that I am healthy for the first time in 40+ years. She'd be amazed to find out that at this ripe old age I take no meds for my health. But...maybe she does know and she is probably smiling down on me now with that proud smile you only see on a MOTHER.

I LOVE YOU MOMMA!!